question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
