You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
