Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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