Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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