are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
