I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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