since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
