You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
