I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
