Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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