that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
