I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
