Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
