Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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