Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
