I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
