she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
