dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
