The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
