Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
