I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
