Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
