mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
