Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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