I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
