god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
