OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just want nice things and good sex
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
