I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
