I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
