Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
