Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
