Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
