is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you win again, gameday.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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