He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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