cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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