I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
