The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
