come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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