How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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