so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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