He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
