don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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