Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
