Tell her she can't have a vagina
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
