dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
