Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
