don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
