alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
