She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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