I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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